Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
