guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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