i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
