i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
