Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
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