Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Randomize
