it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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