i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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