How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
