he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
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