i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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