Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
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