Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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