Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
