So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
