Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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