So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Randomize
