Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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