my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
well you can't waste a boner
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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