everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
