You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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