We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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