Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
he just fucked me for my cheese..
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
