well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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