This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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