Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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