you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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