Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
