I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
