But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize