The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
