they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
