Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
