dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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