he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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