He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
