he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
