hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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