I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
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