Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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