I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize