I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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