I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
