She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
