It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Randomize
