It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
