It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
