I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
