Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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