We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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