Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize