soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
