Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
i used baking grease as lip gloss
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
