i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
