If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Randomize
