My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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