Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
