I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Randomize