I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
How external is "for external use only"?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
