you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
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