he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
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