I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
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