no, he came in my armpit
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
