Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
