did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Randomize
