I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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