btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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