I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
