I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
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